Hi, I’m a stay at home Mum with three children. I work from home as Partner/Secretary/Directory/Bookkeeper for our family business.  Whilst the words “stay at home Mum” seem to evoke a mystical picture of serenity, exuding motherly attributes, at times it’s more like a mental and physical test of endurance. Being a Mum and trying to raise kids in todays world is the toughest job anyone can do, but it’s possibly the most rewarding also. Whilst I don’t have to drive to work, I never leave work either. It’s a major balancing act trying to do everything and to please everyone. Sometimes my balance is anything but.

All my life I have persued challenges and adventures. I must have a project on the wall or my mind spins out. The problem is, guilt takes over and nags about family needs and priorities. Please don’t misunderstand me, families are great, the best thing ever and I love them all – they always come first. But, where is the line? The line between the demands laid on me by others and my own needs. Women are expected to give up so much of themselves when they have a family. I would just like to find the balance that can shut my inner critic up and allow me to be who I am without guilt. I want to use my life not waste it. I refuse to sit in my old aged rocking chair and annoy people with complaints about past failures that I can blame on someone else because …”they made it too hard.” Somewhere buried deep inside of me there’s a burning need to do/explore/create. A flickering flame that’s fuelled by new challenges and thrills at achieving new goals.

Somewhere there must be a line I can walk on that will allow me to find that balance. Always learning, always growing is good for the soul. Surely it’s good for those around me too. Just as clear running water cultivates life and carries its residue into the swelling sea, a stagnant pool is of use to no-one. Is my inner critic right, should I bow down to guilt? I want my children to grow up as trend setters, ice breakers un-afraid to try, un-afraid to succeed or even fail. When should you stop living? I don’t want to do it before I die. It’s all about time. The lack of it, the want of it, the waste of it, and mostly the division of it.

(All copy rights reserved musicqueen10/musicgal-productions)